Game Theory

"I think I love you"

The words appeared on Anirban's screen. As soon as the words registered to his conscience, Anirban's vision blurred. A wave of memories rushed up on him. He found himself struggling against a maelstrom of suppressed emotions. He shut his eyes tight, fighting back against it.
His mind took him back two years, when he had typed out these exact same words on his keyboard.

He had met Antara on one of the numerous community websites he was a member of...he didn't remember which. It did not matter. Within two days of "meeting" each other online, they had exchanged their private messenger IDs. He would spend long, sleepless and cozy nights chatting with her, and yet it never would seem enough. He remembered how happy he was then. Talking to Antara was like talking to a person he wished to be. He knew he was in love.

Within a few weeks, they had moved on to the phone.

Hearing her voice for the first time had sent a tingle of excitement through him. From that day on he had had a deep longing to see her...to be with her. Her voice was magical, angelic to him-straight out of a fairy tale. He would find comfort in the gentle and caressing words...it was like a sanctum.

He would spend his days day dreaming...dreaming about him and Antara living together, talking, holding hands, just being close. He would imagine himself sprawled on the floor, his head on her lap, her fingers gently ruffling his hair. He would imagine holding her hand and walking along a tree-lined road, silently, feeling the gentle breeze...watching the wind blow a few strands of hair across her face...life would be beautiful with Antara, he would think.

Days had turned to months, and yet things weren't moving on. Anirban knew he would have to do something. He would call her, but never had he been able to brave his insecurities and tell her about his feelings. He would grow desperate by each passing day. Then, on one evening, he had made up his mind to tell her online. He had signed into his chat program half an hour before the time they met. He vividly remembered those 3o mins he had waited for her...the anxiety, "what if she doesnt take it well"...numerous possibilities...what she might say, would she say yes or would she laugh it off...he was in utter turmoil. So much so that when she had turned up at the usual hour, he had lost his nerve. After a few lines of small talk, he had failed to hold it back, and in swift keystrokes, afraid of his mind faltering again, had typed it out:


"I think I love you."


A few moments had passed, and then his world was heaven..


"I think I love you too."


It had been that easy. That simple.
The two years that followed had been the best of his life. Until one fine day it all ended. They had decided to meet at one of her friend's place in her town. They had been meeting regularly now, though living in different cities.
That day Anirban had decided to surprise her by going straight to her place. In high spirits and dying to see her, he had hurried up to her door and entered with a an air of having a right. And in the living room itself he saw her.

Dressed in the same black corset he had asked her to wear, she looked lovely. Her hair had been made up just the way he liked them. She was kissing a man he had never seen before, his hands all over her. The shock had destroyed him, and all he had done wass yell "FUCK YOU" and got out of there. Once outside, he had vomitted in disgust. He never saw her again. And he could never love anyone again.

Suddenly, a loud buzz went off from the speakers. Anirban was jolted back to the present, and he stared at his computer screen.

"I think I love you"

He liked Shubhra.
They had been in school together for an year, way back in Standard V. It was a long time back, but he remembered her as a timid, sweet girl. All these days they had been talking, he could easily connect her words with the cute little face he remembered from school.

His mind faltered. He did not want her to go through a heart break. He wondered what he would tell her, why was he doing this. He wondered if she would beleive him if he told her he just had lost the desire to love. There was a buzz again.Anirban made up his mind. What had to be done, had to be done.

"I think I love you too."

That easy.
That simple.
Its my turn to play games now.

He was happy she couldn't see the sadistic smirk on his face.